In Constant Search

Hearts.

Pounding, excited, breaking, racing, failing, loving, aching, jumping, scared, beating, and pumping hearts.

March is one interesting, fun-filled, enormous, crazy party!  For me, it has been a month that includes Saint Patrick’s Day, Spring Break, my cousin’s wedding, Navroz (Persian New Year), unusual surprises, and of course the NCAA Basketball Tournament.  Although, my longhorns did not make it this year (yes I bleed orange), I wonder why people go crazy watching games.  Why do people gather in front of TVs, perspiring auditoriums, and applaud for players throwing a ball back and forth? 

Our countless choices for entertainment are typically to “escape our daily lives.”  Or is it to reinforce it?  It is essentially a stimulating dichotomy.  Think about when we watch movies.  Why is it that we like some movies more than another?  We not only escape reality or entertain ourselves, but there are movies that reinforce our realities of the world and our understanding of existence. 

Likewise, watching college basketball is not only a fun escape from our world, but a great distraction from our everyday lives.   However, if mere diversion is all we want, why would we give hours of our time watching a game or pay hundreds of dollars to attend a game?  Well, I think basketball (as one of many sports) is so popular, so intensely followed, because it reflects things about our daily lives and what we understand about the universe. 

Basketball and all sports are competitions.  This is the first and foremost simple point of connection to our daily lives.   We live a life full of competition in education, in our careers, in the dating world, in everything we buy, and more.   Basketball is one example of an intensified form of competition where the stakes are lower for us, but the instincts are still as strong.   If you’ve ever been to a game, you notice how humans resonate with and cheer so hard for their team to win because, quite frankly, fighting to win is what life is often all about.

There is uniqueness where sports versus life come into play.  Trust me, I’ve seen grown adults struggle at the loss of their teams, but we need to remember that basketball is 50% losing in point of fact.  It’s part of the game, as all games have one winner and one loser.  What about our real lives though?  We are so drawn to something that focuses are hearts and minds on that feeling that is within our grasp, the feeling of divine magnificence that comes with winning.

You know the moment when you are watching a game and your team is down by a few dozen points, but makes a comeback and brings it to within two? Or the moment when you start to loudly cheer, get on your feet, and see this new bounce in your team’s steps, and then someone hits a long three taking the lead.  That moment, with the ear-piercing noise and disheartened opponents losing control when you can touch the brilliance, where you glimpse—dare I say it—the divine.  You slap a stranger’s hand, you get goose bumps, and you raise your voice for the glory to continue.

In these moments, I envision God smiling at us and thinking that they are feeling it in small doses. Unfortunately, many of us depart from these sporting “highs” without thinking that maybe there is something greater that surrounds us.  Are sports and other things that make us happy really just a gift from God?   Are these moments of happiness only a fraction of what is available to us?  I think it probably saddens God when the fun things in life such as sports, natural beauty, art, music, etc. are belittled and seen only as ends unto themselves; not as the signs to a greater grace that exists in the world.

So, as March madness continues, maybe we can see the grand scheme of things.  Instead, we should realize and reflect on the small wonders and momentary blessings we receive and see how they matter in life.   Why?  Because the existence of rays of light indicates an immense sun, and if we ever want to comprehend something that vivid, we should start by taking the light in small doses, wherever we can find it.

So whether it is basketball, going to the movies, eating at a restaurant, playing in the park, hanging out with family or friends, traveling, painting, or doing anything you enjoy, reflect on those joyous moments.  Even the most amazing things that we as humans are capable of doing or experiencing are just glimpses of God’s glory.  It is an amazing thing to be able to see His glory in the common and the everyday.  You start to realize that God constantly surrounds us with warmth and love and no matter what everything will be beautiful. 

I woke up to 60 roses.  Each rose being a different color, a different scent, a different look.  Each rose representing the beauty of every day, these past 60 days.  I am honestly not a big fan of flowers (waste of money and they die anyway), but the thought process, the love, and the significance of these 60 beautiful flowers represent the dynamic transformation in my life.   My life has been an interesting journey by far.  In retrospect, I would describe my beginnings as a learning curve, in which I stumble, fall, get up, and continue to find my way.  I take baby steps over sarsens, bridges, and hills, and I entrench the entire process into my life.  Saying that my life by far has been a hell of an experience is an understatement.  However, it has been one great accomplishment. 

What I didn’t realize (until about a while back) is that I had skillfully created these walls in the last few years.  A wall of misconception, a wall constructed upon the fear of commitment, the fear of heart ache, the fear of too much personal growth.  I was clinging onto an invented identity, and unwilling to fully embrace my evolving one.   My experiences, opportunities, family, and my special people, all have torn down this delusional wall (of my own making) and have given me the courage to step up and over the rubble, and continue the beautiful journey of life. 

My mom says that when God gives, he will slash the skies and give.  Today, I feel blessed to be open to receive and to have received.  I am thankful, eternally thankful, for the tenacities, the thirsts, and most importantly the PEOPLE.  I realize what I had been missing and want in my life all along.  I sense a new, glorious aura of ease upon me these days; the kind of magic I imagine was a natural part of who I once was as a kid.  I hope to guide my own children with this sort of magic.  It is so difficult for me to put to words to be honest.  I am aware in me of less rage and less frustration towards anyone/no one in particular.  I am aware in me of more compassion, understanding, patience, and love.  I sense a little grin on my face randomly throughout my day.  More and more, the past is now what it was, and the future is whatever it may be.  Does this make sense?  I’m putting less pressure on myself to accomplish something all the time, and by doing so, all that needs to get done is getting done. 

I am sensing and living more joy in each moment.  Nothing has really changed – except me; me and my attitude towards me, and towards life.  Then again, so much has changed.  Maybe this sounds synthetic, I don`t know; but it’s true.  Every day I am more excited for tomorrow.  I am falling in love with life again – I am in love.  Sometimes that is what we all want from life. 

I feel truly blessed to wake up every morning with a smile on my face.  I try to not take the little things for granted, to love my family and all I have instead of focusing on what I do not, to respect and care for everyone and anyone from all walks of life, to forgive and forget, to be humble and live with humility, to be thankful for my family I’m born in and my family I have found in life, and most of all to love… love 100%. 

Stay tuned… my journey in life is about to enter octane levels… never alone… 

I wonder how life would be if we lived with no fear, no doubt, no worries, and no insecurities.  What if we said yes to every opportunity, every chance, and every moment that crosses our path? 

I wonder.

I wonder what would happen if I just went for it.  Listen to what my heart is feeling, not over think and block my mind from speaking, and follow my gut and just do it. 

The greatest lesson I learned this year is to say yes to every opportunity.  Give everything at least one chance because you never know what lesson you can learn or you can have your life change in a way that is beyond words and absolutely beautiful. I had forgotten how amazing we can feel and how important it is to be happy and at peace.  However, I feel blessed to be reminded of this as the year begins. 

We sometimes let petty things affect us and are unable to see the big picture in life.  Don’t take the little things for granted, smile more than you have ever, forgive and forget, be extra patient, take that chance, spend quality time with your loved ones, say yes, be kind, and love.  I wish everyone a happy new year and pray that this year brings prosperity, good health, inner peace, success, and unconditional love to everyone. 

Trust is such a fragile thing.  When working in a business environment, most people forget that every relationship, even a business one, is based upon some aspect of trust.  The financial world can be very complicated, and for someone interested in business, more particularly in investing, do your homework and do it well!

Investing is actually a simple term.  It means putting your money to work.  It’s a unique way that many people in this world make money or I should say “more” money.  Growing up, we are typically taught that you get a job, and that is the way you get your income.  Sounds simple, right?  To get more money, you sometimes work more hours, which could mean less time for family, leisure, or whatever else you desire.  However, as we get older, we realize since you can’t duplicate yourself to work more hours, then maybe sending an extension of yourself just might be your best option - your money. 

There are many people who work hard and earn a lot of money initially, to later live a more relaxed lifestyle and give investing an opportunity.  So while you are still earning money, you can earn money in other places at the same time.  To put in simple terms, making your money work for you maximizes your earning potential. 

So if you have the money (which should be more money than you need to live comfortably for many years), there are many different ways to invest.  Some invest in stocks, bonds, or mutual funds, while others in businesses and/or people.  Obviously everyone wants more money, and investing is becoming more and more necessary today than before.  I realize that the days when everyone worked the same job for 30 years and then retired to a nice fat pension are gone.  Times keep changing, governments keep changing, and the world will continue to keep changing. 

So if you are planning on investing, you have to remember a few things.  It is important to know that investing should and is NOT gambling.  Gambling is putting money at risk by betting on an uncertain outcome with the hope that you might win money.  Yes, some of you can argue that investing can be gambling if you invest in a stock based on a hot tip given to you by your friend or a colleague.  However, how is that the same as placing a bet on red in roulette at a casino?

True investing doesn’t happen without some action on your part. A “real” investor does not simply throw his or her money at any random investment.  You need to perform thorough analysis and commit your capital only when there is a reasonable expectation of profit. Yes, there still is risk in everything you do, and there are no guarantees, but investing is more than simply hoping Lady Luck is on your side.

Nonetheless, risks are risks.  If you are going to invest in a business or more importantly ask for someone to invest in your idea, remember things may not always go the way you plan.  Businesses can fail, but then what? 

I think this is where investors and who or what you invest in may be affected in diverse manners.  However, if things do not go well, the one thing I truly believe is that more than the loss of your money, more than the loss of your business, more than even the loss of your time, it is important to be able to really understand the situation rationally and focus on doing what is ethical and true to your heart.  However, instead of listing effects, I will just share some random thoughts.    

If someone invests in you and your ideas, but things go sour, what will you do?  The easiest way to handle a loss is by screwing your investors.  And this unfortunately happens.  When money is involved, some of the closest relationships can change.  What I don’t understand is how can people live at the expense of someone else’s hard work earned savings in your hand?  How can you set foot in your stores, offices, homes, knowing that you have those by deceiving the people that put their trust in you and believed not only in your ideas but you?  In theory, yes, business is business.  Business theories say, yes it’s just business because business and personal relationships change.  People change, viewpoints change, and things change.  However, after years of practice and advice from successful business people, I highly believe what really works are honest relationships, both in life and even in business.  It actually always works…

So remember, that times are changing.  Be prudent with your finances, be ethical in your decisions, and be intelligent with the actions you take. 

Yes, it is business, and it is personal.

Earlier today, I was trying to plan a vacation.  I ended up searching a map on line to visually see the world and all the places I wanted to visit.  The map really guided me to figure out where my next destination should be.  Then I also realized how bad my geography skills are, and those who know me so well may know that I’m not the best at directions.  Maps, GPS, and my phone are crucial in my life as they assist me in finding directions to where I need to be.  As I looked at the maps, I thought, how awesome would it be if there was a map of life that could guide us on our journey?  If there was a map that inspired us by giving life lessons we often learn to late, directions to where to go next, and answers to questions we sometimes struggle with, life would be so different.  However, a map of life does not exist, which actually makes life more interesting, full of challenges, yet exciting as we learn the unknown as life unfolds. 

It’s crazy how much life can change in a year, in a month, in a minute, and even in a moment.  Every year people celebrate growing older and wiser; however, every year it is also a time to reflect upon the progression of life.  After struggling for a few years, I am fortunate to have celebrated another year of my life with some of my closest family and friends, and I hope that these individuals stick around as long as I do.  My odometer has rolled to 29 this month, and to celebrate growing older, I write 29 lessons life, people, and situations have taught me. 

1.  It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary. 
2. Life isn’t fair, but things always work out for the best.  Everything is really okay in the end.  (if it’s not, it’s not the end)
3. When in doubt, take the next step.  The sky is not the limit.  (I believe there are footprints on the moon)
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Stay in touch, give time, and take care of your family and friends.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.  Start saving with your first paycheck. 
6. There is nothing to hold you back, except yourself.
7. There is only one way to learn, and that is through action
8. TRUST YOUR GUT.  It’s there for a reason.
9. You don’t have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree or recognize it’s not always about winning. Move on. 
10. The spaces between your fingers were created so that another’s could fill them in.  Love is amazing, let love in no matter how scared you may be. 
11. Learn to understand the universal language.  The language without words.  Smile, it’s the same no matter what country you’re in. 
12. Follow your dreams.  Work hard. 
13. Don’t compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.  (don’t believe everything you see on face book)
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, maybe you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Take deep breaths.  It calms the mind and body. 
16. Believe in miracles. 
17. Get rid of anything or anyone that isn’t useful, joyful, positive, beautiful, and makes you happy.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. When it comes to going after what you love, don’t take no for an answer.  Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.  (must add – giving up is not always a sign of weakness, sometimes it means you were strong enough to let go)
20. Sometimes, no means yes. For real. 
21. Burn candles, wear fancy clothes, and have a special day today.   Don’t save it for a special occasion.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow. Relax.
23. Forgive everyone everything. With compassion in your life, you will always be okay.   
24. No one is in charge of your happiness, but you. 
25. Time really does heal everything.  Give time. 
26. People deserve second chances, but not thirds, fourths, and fifths.  But reread #23.
27. Laughing, crying, joy and anger are all vital.  That is what makes us human.  Be open and be vulnerable.  This is the best gift you can give anyone you love. 
28. Everyone needs a little reassurance.  Don’t be afraid to share your feelings. 
29. Finally, have your cake and eat it too.  Seriously, what good is a cake if you can’t eat it!

Happy Birthday Everyone! 

History is largely told about great people doing great things.  For most of us though, life is not made of big things, but small moments.  With every small choice, every small decision we are defining ourselves.  Are we proud of ourselves or disappointed by who we have become?  Life rarely turns out how it is planned.  At least for me it has definitely been one roller coaster ride after another.  The unexpected happens, the unknown becomes known, but sometimes it surprises us with new possibilities.  However, sooner or later reality hits me in the face, and I begin to continue to reflect on life and my decisions.  And with every small choice and every small decision, we have to ask ourselves… are we honest, are we faithful, proud of ourselves or disappointed?

My mother was diagnosed with cancer almost six years ago.  I’m sure she never imagined cancer would happen to her.  I never imagined any of my parents getting sick.  I can close my eyes and remember the moment my father asked me to come home so we can have a family meeting.  I can close my eyes and remember the night she lost all her hair.  I can close my eyes and remember the moment her body turned ghostly white, and we rushed her to the hospital to get a blood transfusion.  Although she had an intense surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, she still never lost her faith, her values, her passion, and her willingness to face life with the most positive outlook anyone could have.  It’s ironic that while she was so physically weak, not a day went by that she wasn’t strong willed, optimistic, and diligent.  And I will say this is just one minute example of who my mom is. 

With all of our challenges we faced, we managed to work as “one unit”.  My family figured it out TOGETHER.  I know my mom never imagined starting over with going through what she did, but when the unimaginable happened she adapted, she found strength, and she moved on.  Words couldn’t even describe the lessons I learned, the love we shared, and the unity we had.  I hope if my plan in life doesn’t go well, I can handle myself with the same grace and strength as she has taught me.  Mommy Chagani, you might not be the president, or a basketball player, or an actress, but you are my hero, my guardian angel, my best friend, and most of all the best mother anyone could ever imagine having.  In my world, you are one of the greatest heroes alive!  Happy Mother’s Day!! 

Do you see your cup as half full or empty?  Many people randomly ask me this question or refer to this example to prove something.   Some say, if you see the glass half full, it’s a sign of being positive.  However, if you see it half empty, maybe you are focusing on what is missing in your life and are being pessimistic.   How do you see your cup?

When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty, today my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.

Life has been an interesting ride for me.  It has been incredible, challenging, surprising, tough, awesome, sad, funny, and always changing.  I have to say I have experienced a lot during the last many years, but I may not have thanked many people for some of the most meaningful experiences and relationships.  I can only hope you know who you are.

First and foremost, I must thank my family for their support and unconditional love during my entire life.  They are the wind beneath my wings and I am a better person due to them.  My father always says, “no matter what, we are always one unit.”  If my dad has a problem, it’s OUR problem.  If I have a problem, it’s OUR problem.  Thank you for instilling in me the quality of compassion, the ability of being the best I can be no matter what, and the value of unity, love, and being selfless by bringing happiness to everyone around me by being positive and always smiling.   

To my brother and sister-in-law, I am thankful for the never ending support and the countless lessons I have learned.  I have always followed my brother’s footsteps, and sometimes literally him too.  He has been my role model and my guardian angel.  These two have taught me to lead an outstanding life and strive to be better each day.  Their personal bond, love, understanding, and patience have also taught me that you can create bonds with another person that is magical. 

I want to give very special thanks and love to my niece and nephew.  Having you in my life has been incredible.  You have brought me so much happiness, and I cannot imagine my life without you.  They have taught me some of the most valuable lessons in life.  They have taught me to be courageous and continue to move forward.  They have taught me to separate between what I think makes me happy and what really makes me happy.  It’s quite shocking and very humbling to learn from such little human beings who are just beginning to grow, but are able to see life as it is. 

I have always seen my life as a journey on a road to tomorrow.  There have been hills and valleys and turns here and there that have filled my life with all kinds of challenges and changes. But I made it through those times because there were always special people I met along the way.

My special friends are the ones who have walked beside me, comforting my spirit or holding my hand when I needed it the most.  They are friends who love my smiles and are not afraid of my tears.  They are true friends who really care about me.  There are friends who inspire me and motivate me to be better each day.  Those friends are forever; they are cherished and loved more than they’ll ever know.  So to all my special friends and I thank you warmly.  Friendship to me is the most unique and powerful relationship, as it is not bounded by blood or obligation.  It is due to the love, wisdom, and sometimes even the spiritual bond I have with you.  I use spiritual, because some of the love I feel is not due to physical words or actions, but beyond that.  I feel we all have a soul, which drives us to be where we are.  The ways you live and embody such beautiful characteristics take care of your souls, and I learn and am so motivated to carry myself in your shadows.  In everyone’s life, at times, the inner fire we have can go out, but then it is burst into flames by an encounter with another soul… with another human being.  I am thankful for you to rekindle my spirit and my soul. 

I’ve constantly changed throughout my life.  I used to think that to be strong you had to be really tough and rough.  I used to think to be independent is to not need anyone or anything.  But, today I realize more and more that to be vulnerable, to be open with your heart, to be soft, to be compassionate, and the more you allow people into your heart and life, the happier I became and the more valuable I became as a person.  I stopped thinking about what others think (I’m still working on that) and I am learning that who I am is perfectly fine.  I don’t have to pretend to be anyone else but me.  Being vulnerable is actually an act of courage.  Being your true self is more of a gift you can give to anyone you love!   

May God bless each of you and never forget that you all hold a special place in my heart because you all are special.  Your hearts and souls are just amazingly beautiful.  I admire your integrity and kindness.  I genuinely care a lot about each one of you, and I hope our bond lasts a lifetime. 

So, whether my cup is half empty or full in this lifetime, I am more thankful that I have a cup, I am eternally thankful I have you.

Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you God!